Angel at My Door

ANGEL AT MY DOOR

The man who had been stalking me for days walked right in the door of my squalid apartment. I was 22 and I was in danger and I knew it.

As a self destructive lark I had taken a job as a go go girl in a nightclub in Jacksonville Florida I was in Jacksonville because my boyfriend, a sailor who was stationed there, begged me to move to be with him, threatening to commit suicide if I didn't. So I did, not being familiar with terms like manipulative and passive aggressive and co dependent. Almost as soon as I got there, his ship went out on a long deployment. And there I was, betrayed and alone.

I had rented a one room place, no phone, no refrigerator, right on the street in a bad area. I was on pills, and so paranoid I wouldn't go out in the daytime to buy food. At night, the nightclub owners would pick me up and take me to work, and bring me back at 3 or 4 in the morning. Every time I left or returned that strange man was waiting out on the sidewalk. He seemed menacing to me, but then everything did back then. I would literally run past him, scramble in the door and lock it.

At some point, someone I met at the club stole my money from me. I had to tell the bosses I was broke, so from then on they kept my money and my pills. ( Speed was my drug of choice, I told my mother they were diet pills and she sent them to me.) So every night the boss fed me my one meal, gave me a pill, poured me a bourbon and water and pushed me out on the stage. But that wasn't all they wanted from me. Not only did I discover they were running a strip club, I also found out they wanted me to sleep with customers. I just couldn't do it, it made me sick to think about. I was feeling more and more trapped.

I don't know how long I was there. Maybe 3 weeks, maybe a month? As long as I could talk my Mom into sending the pills. By now a sense of dread was overshadowing me. I found a razor blade and tried to commit suicide and failed. That seemed to shock some sense into me. It hit me over a holiday when the owners invited me to their home, and I saw how they lived. In a nice big house, well furnished and equipped, like normal upstanding people, instead of people who made a living pandering to human weakness and immorality, hiring strippers, transgenders, probably even hookers, and one stupid girl from Indiana they wanted to groom for bigger things.

I knew I was just being used. I was being held hostage to my addiction, and coerced into frightening situations. They lived well, I lived in squalor. The son of the house took me home that night and came in uninvited to try to seduce me, He must have had a decent streak somewhere, because somehow I talked my way out of it and he left. But I felt the noose tightening, and I knew what I had to do.

The next night I did some of my finest acting. I talked to the owners and told them I wanted to make a go of it, get a decent place to live, maybe even a car so I could get to work on my own. I told them that seeing their lovely home had inspired me. I told them all I needed was my back pay. They nodded with satisfaction, and actually gave me my money.

As soon as I got back to my apartment I ran in the door and started throwing things in a suitcase, and a bag I found. Suddenly the man who had been stalking me for days walked right in the door. I yelled You can't hurt me now! I'm getting out of here! Without saying anything, he started helping me pack, hurrying, with a sense of urgency. When I was ready, he said “I'll go get my truck and come back and take you to the airport.“ So I waited for him, and waited for him. But he never came back. After an hour or so, I walked that scary street to a phone booth on the corner, and called a cab. I flew home that night and arrived at my mother's' and stepfather's house at dawn.

It took years before I looked back and understood that my stalker was an angel. He was protecting me night after night, not planning to hurt me. Apparently, once he knew I was safe, his assignment was over. I thank God that even though I was ignoring Him and putting myself in one danger after another, He was always with me. His plans for me were for good and not for evil. He sent one of His angels to minister to me even though I didn't even know it.   Amazing God.

A more recent afterthought:

Maybe the owners weren't all evil. Maybe they finally realized I would never be what they wanted me to be. I had refused their customers, and even refused their son. The day I spent with them, I was so exhausted they let me take a nap. Maybe they saw this naive girl asleep on the couch, and felt compassion. Maybe it wasn't that my acting was so great. Maybe God softened their hearts.

Does God send angels to change the trajectory of our lives? Or once we have taken the step, gone toward our destiny, then angels can enter our time frame and expedite things?  For me, I see the angel was always protecting me, but did not intervene until I made the first move.